Check out this great article with lots of facts and stories about dads taking prenatal leave - the challenges and benefits.

Article Published in Curtin University E-newsletter | Faculty of Health Sciences | October 2017

When boys or young men experience mental health difficulties, the response from Dad is really important. It isn't easy for most of us to know what to do or say in such situations. Headspace has put together some tips on how Dads can connect with sons and help them get the support they might need.

The recent AFCC Think Tank of 32 family law experts resulted in a table of considerations for determining post-separation overnight care of children aged 0-3 years. 

The table is reproduced on the last page of this document and is available online at http://www.afccnet.org/Resource-Center/Center-for-Excellence-in-Family-Court-Practice/ctl/ViewCommittee/CommitteeID/27/mid/495

The table is a handy tool to assist in the assessment of individual families. Although its not easy to navigate, it does respect the developmental needs of infants and the unique dynamics of a family system. I am very concerned however by introductory clause number 3 at the top of the document...


Download the file for the rest of my reflections on this important issue.

Dawson

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Meet up at a relaxing venue and a chat about the changes ahead

The controversy over this issue has a long history(1). The debate has escalated over the past decade with concerns over family law reforms, although there has been scant new evidence to be considered. Recently, media in the UK (Telegraph, Guardian, Daily Mail, Independent) and here in Australia (ABC, The Age, Sydney Morning Herald) have covered this topic. The media attention has been sparked by the controversial opinions of Penelope Leach – countered by Sheila Kitzinger and fathering advocacy groups. Journal publications addressing shared overnight care of young children (2-10) have been referred to in support of the case for and against shared care after separation. 

It is generally agreed that the important issue here is what is best for the child – not parent rights (see my posts on the comparable issue of the increasing use of child care). The parenting role does not come with rights - it comes with responsibilities. The demand for parental responsibility is highest at a child’s time of greatest vulnerability - around birth and infancy. It is imperative that at this vulnerable time others uphold the rights of the infant.

Whether we like it or not, when we became parents, we became leaders. Children cant help but take their lead from the older people around them. Neuroscientists have proven this at a cellular level detecting microscopic mirror neurons in a child's brain that soak up the messages we give them and use it to build their nerve pathways for the future. And society demonstrates it at a macro level; we cannot help but be affected by the culture in which we live.  For parents this can be a sobering thought! 

As parent we cannot not influence. Frustrating sometimes isn't it! The good news is that when we make mistakes, we can show our disappointment and demonstrate that we are sorry for our actions. Being sorry for mistakes is an essential lifeskill our children need to see modelled. And the sunny-side of parenting is that forgiveness and acceptance is something you can practice too. Children do it well! 

As parents we are not only leaders; we are learners too. And some of the best life lessons are taught to us by our own children.

Here is an ancient text (source unknown) that has helped me to become a better parent.

For tips on children's behaviour, download a free toolkit titled 
Behaviour 10 Top Tips

Theres a stack of books and programs on managing children's behaviour. They may all be good, each in their own way, but which technique to use?  Count to 3, time-out, rewards? Arrgh! Its easy to feel overwhelmed. 

Here is one big fat juicy strategy that cuts to the chase. Its my all-time favourite.

1. Model what you want to see.

Managing strong emotions, empathy, sharing, gentle touch, manners, humour, playfulness, and perseverance – these are some of the life skills we want to see our kids develop. They don’t happen in a vacuum. All children need to see these life skills modelled – they can’t grow something they haven’t seen, and wont see the value of the skill if they don’t experience the benefits. To make it an everyday behaviour, it needs to be everyday for the parents too. Social skills are learnt through the day-to-day experiences of family members rubbing up against one another in the home. 

Naturally a high-energy kid might find it hard to use their voice or hands gently; or a child with vivid imagination may lose themself in play and forget to take turns with a toy. Each child is born with a unique temperament and talents that make some skills more challenging to develop than others – that’s diversity. It makes sense that each child will naturally express their skills with varying success, but all children need an example to follow.

         “Setting an example is not the main means of influencing others, 
                              it is the only means.” ~ Albert Einstein

For other tips on behaviour, download a free eBook titled 
Behaviour 10 Top Tips