Cultivating a Mindset for Peak Parenting

Any parent will tell you, the parent role has a lot more challenge than they could have ever expected. Many look back and say it was a moment of sheer madness - when they threw care and contraceptives to the wind and took the plunge into parenting. In contrast I also meet many people (in fact its often the same people as from the previous group) who says that it is the most besotting, deliciously addictive, best-ever decision they have made – and they wouldn’t have it any other way. 

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Any parent will tell you, the parent role has a lot more challenge than they could have ever expected. Many look back and say it was a moment of sheer madness - when they threw care and contraceptives to the wind and took the plunge into parenting. In contrast I also meet many people (in fact its often the same people as from the previous group) who says that it is the most besotting, deliciously addictive, best-ever decision they have made – and they wouldn’t have it any other way.

So what is the truth here?  Is this a case of placenta brain and the pregnancy hormones are still messing with their head? (Yes, both men and women experience perinatal hormonal changes). Are ‘they’ telling horror stories, so you take a vow of abstinence and throw yourself into your career?

Here’s the deal. It’s both. Welcome to the paradox of parenting. There will be times you will be looking for that cabbage patch to put that cute baby right back there. And there are moments of bliss that surpass temporary pleasures such as Lindt chocolate or any other climactic experience life could offer.

Can you avoid the pitfalls? There are some things you may have very little control over such as your child’s temperament, health and developmental progress. There are some aspects where you can have more influence, such as your health and nutrition, birth experience, skills and amount of postnatal support. But the one thing you can influence 100% is your mindset.  

If you are pregnant or new to the parenting journey, I want to ask:
Are you working on your mindset?

Sir Edmund Hillary would not have conquered Mt Everest if he didn’t have a plan. He would not have survived the savage storms, the drudgery and altitude sickness if he didn’t have his eyes fixed on his goal. Hillary would not have had the stamina he needed to keep going if he hadn’t prepare his mind, body and backpack with equipment for the challenges that lay ahead. And behind the scenes he would had trusted support crew to help him along the journey.

Parenting is one epic journey. It’s the tallest mountain I have ever climbed and every step of the way I am learning something new - usually it’s about myself. Like climbing uphill, it can be long and exhausting but it’s building me stronger. There are times where I doubt myself and look for detours rather than the path ahead that is etched in my minds eye. I have to fix my eyes on the goal ahead, my children as independent adults, and sometimes I need to just put one foot in front of another to stay on track.

Sometimes one day runs into the next. They join together in a blur. In those times I try to tune into the small things that bring me joy and hope – I keep a diary and re-read the special bits to keep my humour. When I’m all snowed in, I sit in my pyjamas, re-read my logbook, dream and savour the moments that bring me delight. Sometimes it’s helpful to look back at basecamp, the dot in the distance; it’s only then that I realize I have come so far. There are also times that take my breath away, when I round a bend and arrive somewhere exquisite and beautiful. There I need to stop, soak it and survey the world from my new vantage point. 

Sadly not everyone makes it to the summit. The exhilarating mountaintop experience is not experienced by all. Most people are in survival mode and only just make it to Basecamp. This is no small feat, but like Hillary they know there is something more. The courage that Hillary demonstrated took him beyond the security of basecamp. He was determined to reach his goal by holding onto his vision and putting one foot in front of the other, without ever giving up.

Parents need a mountaineer mindset. A commitment to keep making the steep climb towards the goal of raising children with capacity, equipped to love and be loved, resilient and able to contribute to the world.  You might feel that progress is slow, and at times barely visible, yet you still keep going. There will be plenty of people along the way who may criticize your attempts. Parenting is not immune from competition and naysayers who do not share the vision you have for your child.

Bottom line. There is no magic method to conquer the parenting peak. Sir Edmund Hillary would have held doubts, made mistakes and felt deeply inadequate at times. No hero is free of fear; a hero is made by deciding to move through the fear. Even if we had Hillary’s map and used a GPS to follow his path, it will not guarantee success. It was Hillary’s inner compass, a mountaineer’s mindset that helped him navigate the mountain.

As you embark on your parenting journey, how prepared are you? If you want to achieve the mountaintop experience and delight in your children, you may well need to work on your mindset. Tackling an Everest adventure with no vision and a lightweight backpack sounds risky. Nothing will quite prepare you for the intensity of parenting experience.

You are not alone.  Most people walk out the hospital door with new baby in arms feel quite overwhelmed. FamilyWorks offers to be your support crew as you set out. We believe that all parents deserve a support team, a village to raise a child. Parenting is one wild adventure. Heartbreak and absolute delight all rolled into one. It’s our extreme sport; we’re hooked and wouldn’t want to be anywhere else.

Sharon & Dawson Cooke

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