The Specialness of Fathers

Dad bringing himself into his Fatherhood role.

Fathers Day approaches - So what is special about fathers? Well, I am a father - I'm biased - but one thing I've learnt about fathers is that there are all sorts - they can be very different!  

Apart from their biological contribution at the beginning, what else defines fatherhood - the specialness of fatherhood? I reckon there are as many answers as there are different expressions of fatherhood.

For me, it is the choice made by a father to give of himself for his child and family  - not just time and money or doing things - but of his self, in each moment.

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This is no small ask. Such a choice impacts every aspect of a man's world. His work, play, personal space, relationships... Importantly, this choice does not go unnoticed by his partner or his child - even in a child's earliest days of life. It is a courageous and gutsy choice that for many men is counter cultural - maybe not understood by some family members or peers.

The bringing of self into the fatherhood role is the best investment a father can make and underwrites all other valuable contributions to family. This is his premium gift to ensure the future resourcefulness and capacity of his child and family.

What do I mean by bringing the self into the fatherhood role?
Here are a few examples that come to mind:

• Being thoughtful about my own experience as a child when relating to my kids.
• Intentionally giving my full attention to my child regularly, but especially at important times such as bedtime or when they are distressed. Empathy and patience is important at such times.
• Making an effort to be consistent with the example I set as a man and in relation to their mother. Sometimes it helps to make our example visible or to articulate the values we consider important.
• Allowing my children to see my weaknesses (humility), while demonstrating how I am not defeated by them. Also showing confidence in my strengths, without my children feeling such mastery is unatainable.
• Generally being available and accessible to my child.

Want some more detail? I liked this description of Mindful Parenting by Myla and Jon Kabat-Zinn. And here is another one.

Do let me know if you have other suggestions on how fathers bring them self into the fatherhood role.

Maybe you know of a man about to become a father? Our Expecting Masterclass is an ideal way for fathers to prepare for the new role and plan with their partner for the adventure of parenting.

Cheers,
Dawson.